Finding Your Why: Working on Values and Goals in Therapy
Therapy is often associated with managing symptoms—reducing anxiety, improving mood, healing from trauma. But some of the most powerful, life-changing work in therapy goes beyond just feeling better. It’s about discovering what really matters to you—and building a life that reflects it.
That’s where values and goals come in.
Whether you're starting therapy or deep in the process, exploring your values and setting goals can help you move forward with clarity, motivation, and purpose.
What’s the Difference Between Values and Goals?
Values are your guiding principles—the things that matter most to you deep down. They aren’t something you check off a list. They’re about how you want to live and show up in the world.
Examples:
Being honest and authentic
Prioritizing family or community
Living with courage or creativity
Showing kindness or compassion
Goals are concrete steps you take to live out those values. They’re specific, measurable, and achievable.
Examples:
Calling a loved one once a week
Applying for a job that aligns with your passions
Setting boundaries in a toxic relationship
Attending a support group or therapy regularly
Values are the “why.” Goals are the “how.”
Why Are Values Important in Therapy?
When you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, or just feeling stuck in life, your values can become blurred or buried. Therapy helps you rediscover what matters to you—not what others expect, not what you've been told you should want, but what you truly care about.
Working with values in therapy can:
Increase motivation for change
Provide clarity during hard decisions
Help you tolerate discomfort for the sake of something meaningful
Reconnect you to a sense of purpose or identity
Shift focus from symptom reduction to life satisfaction
In approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) or DBT, values-based living is central to the healing process.
How Do Therapists Help You Work on Values and Goals?
Here’s what that process might look like in a therapy session:
1. Exploring Your Values
You might be asked:
“When do you feel most like yourself?”
“What would you do if fear wasn’t holding you back?”
“What do you want your life to stand for?”
“Imagine you're 90—what do you hope people remember about you?”
There may be worksheets, value card sorts, or creative exercises to help clarify your core values.
2. Connecting Values to Life Domains
You’ll look at how your values show up (or don’t) in areas like:
Relationships
Career
Health
Spirituality
Creativity
Community
3. Setting Values-Aligned Goals
Together, you’ll set small, realistic goals that help you act on your values. Even tiny steps count when they’re in the right direction.
4. Troubleshooting & Adjusting
Therapy helps you notice what gets in the way—fear, shame, procrastination, perfectionism—and develop the tools to work through it.
Values Work Is Especially Helpful When…
You feel stuck, lost, or “numb”
You’re going through a major life transition
You’re healing from trauma and rediscovering who you are
You’re burned out or disconnected from what once gave you joy
You want to stop just surviving—and start living
Real-Life Example
Let’s say one of your core values is authenticity.
You realize that staying silent in your relationships to avoid conflict makes you feel disconnected and frustrated.
A values-based goal might be:
“I will practice speaking up gently but honestly in at least one conversation this week.”
Over time, those small steps add up—and your life starts to feel more aligned with who you truly are.
Final Thoughts
Therapy isn’t just about reducing pain—it’s about creating meaning.
When you connect with your values, you begin to:
Make intentional choices
Set meaningful goals
Accept discomfort in service of something greater
Reclaim your identity from fear, trauma, or self-doubt
Your life doesn’t have to be perfect to feel meaningful. It just has to reflect you.
Healing is about building a life worth living—and values help you define what that looks like.
